Bop, Marry, Kill

I feel like every time I write this blog I have to apologize for a lack of recent updates. But, honestly, that’s as much your fault as it is mine, now isn’t it? Yeah, it is. Anyway, guess what fuckers, this blog has been a thing that exists for a whole YEAR now! Woo! In honor of that, today’s blog entry will focus on the three things that all the previous blogs have focused on, Sex, Marriage, and Murder. I imagine you are all familiar with those concepts, so let’s just get into this shit.

First up, Sex.

Why you should bop it:

Uh… It’s sex, so it’s probably pretty good at sex. Plus, I can think of few things sexier than sex. I mean, it’s basically where the term is derived from. Plus, sex is a good work out (I guess if you do it right, anyway), so sex probably has a REALLY good body.

Why you should marry it:

Well, if you’re married to someone, you have them in your life constantly, so basically, you’d constantly be having sex right? I mean that’s essentially the logic that I’m using on this one. Plus, sex sells. The sex industry is a multibillion dollar a year industry. And the whole idea of sex is basically the single most popular idea in the history of everything.

Why you should kill it:

Sex makes a lot of people do a lot of stupid things (see: everything. Literally every thing that has ever happened.) Plus there are like diseases and shit. And babies. Fuck babies.

Next up, Marriage.

Why you should bop it:

Because it’s only through the sanctity of marriage that anything sexual can be, like, even reasonably okay in the eyes of God. So if you want sex that’s cool with God, then this is the sex to have.

Why you should marry it:

I mean, it’s marriage. Like, why wouldn’t you marry the concept of eternal, binding, romantic love? Plus, again, there’s money in this shit.

Why you should kill it:

Because marriage is gay. Duh.

Finally, Murder.

Why you should bop it:

It’s so sexy! The ultimate bad boy. Think about it. What do we as a society think is worse than murder? Maybe like mass-murder or genocide, but those cross a line. Plus, let’s say you’re a murderer. You probably have a lot of running, hiding, and jumping to do, so you’re probably REALLY fit. Plus, it’s often said that murder is a crime of passion, which as we all know is what’s truly at the heart of good bopping.

Why you should marry it:

Because death and sadness and anger are going to be parts of your life forever.

Why you should kill it:

Kill it before it kills you first! Which it will, because someone out there wants to make you into a corpse.

— The Final Verdict —

Alright folks, it’s good to be back. And it’s good to have been doing this for a year. Let’s look at how this goes!

Bop: Murder. The passion that goes into ending another person’s life is definitely the kind of passion you want in your sex-adventures.

Marry: Sex. Dude! It means you will be having sex ALL THE TIME! Plus you’ll start getting a taste of that sex money. And there’s a lot of it.

Kill: Marriage. People who get married are boring and stupid and I hate them.

So that’s that folks. Thanks for reading for this past year. Hopefully this will live on for zillions more! Also, who would you bop, marry, and kill and why?