text 22 Apr 4 notes Rosie Perez, Rosie O’Donnell, Roseanne Barr

Well, dear readers and readerettes, we have our first user generated Bop/Marry/Kill for you to read this afternoon. Special thanks to readerette, Kailey Godoy. Today we take a look at the world through rose colored glasses and look at famous Rose-related name having people. To start, Oscar nominated actress, and wicked annoying voice-haver, Rosie Perez. Then we explore Tom Cruise’s lesbian lover, Rosie O’Donnell. Finally we delve back into the world of just unfathomably awful voices with TV’s favorite working class mom, Roseanne Barr.

Let us begin with Rosie Perez.

Why you should bop her:

Not for nothing, but in my search for an image for this post all the photos that came up featured her boobs quite prominently. They are very prominent on their own really. But apart from just that, without going too far into tired stereotypes, her parents are both from Puerto Rico, a US territory famous for producing hot tempered, passionate people. Hot tempered passion tends to translate very well into good bopping.

Why you should marry her:

Ms. Perez has been a powerful advocate for Puerto Rican rights, even getting arrested after a protest against US naval weapons testing off the Island. She is also a noted activist for AIDS┬áresearch. She cares about important things and seems to be a person who’s heart is in the right place.

Why you should kill her:

Have you seen her performance in Do the Right Thing? Like, heard her voice? It’s horrible. It is absolutely dreadful to listen to. There was also an accusation levied that she failed to help or even visit her mother when she was dying of AIDS. Though the report in question was in the New York Daily News, and was basically rescinded the next day.

And now for something completely different: Rosie O’Donnell.

Why you should bop her:

Rosie O’Donnell has a reputation as a bit of a hot head (see the queen of nice/queen of mean dichotomy). And we just recently discussed the benefits of hot-headedness in the bopping sphere. She’s also apparently bossy, so if you’ve got a bit of a masochist bent, this gal’s your gal.

Why you should marry her:

Well she’s a media mogul. There’s generally good money in media-moguling. She is also well known for her stance on the importance of families, and has raised just metric oodles of money for children related charities, showing just what a kind hearted person she can be when you aren’t some ditzy blond football wife who can’t keep your mouth shut.

Why you should kill her:

She’s developed a real reputation as someone that’s hard to work with. She also gets into high profile catfights. Whether with view cohostess Elizabeth Hasselbeck (referenced above) or Donald Trump. Though Donald Trump probably deserved a good Tongue-lashing, Liz is just a poor dumb little girl. It’s not nice to pick on dumb people.

And last, but certainly not least: Roseanne Barr.

Why you should bop her:

Again, I’m going to have to play the anger translating into good bopping card on this one. Also, the sexual frustration of having at one point been married to Tom Arnold has GOT to do something.

Why you should marry her:

She’s the original domestic goddess! Also, she knows how the marriage thing works, having been there 3 times. The other benefits: You could eventually inspire some groundbreaking stand up comedy/sitcome episodes (if you travel back in time I guess) and anything you could have remotely in common with John Goodman has got to be pretty cool.

Why you should kill her:

Oh god, that voice. That goddamn voice. She sounds like two cats being strangled inside of an out of tune bagpipe. She also has been divorced 3 times and presents a persona of someone with whom I would not like to spend a great deal of time. She was a very sarcastic mother on her show, and the show was supposed to be quite autobiographical.

— The Final Verdict —

Again, I find this to be a tough call. But after much soul searching and looking at the cold hard facts of the thing, I think I am ready to call this one. Here goes.

Bop: Rosie Perez. The boobs, the butt, the fiery latin temper. There’s very little that she doesn’t have going for her in the “bop” department. Hell, I bet some people can even find a way to turn themselves on with that horrible squeak of a voice of hers.

Marry: Roseanne Barr. The Domestic Goddess thing, however ironic it may be, is pretty appealing. And plus, she’s going to call you on your shit and whether you like it or not, she’s going to make you accountable. Also, John Goodman rules, and he was kind of her husband.

Kill: Rosie O’Donnell. She’s mean, she’s divorced, and she doesn’t have the domestic goddess thing in her court. Also, she’d leave you for Tom Cruise first chance she got (remember that shit?). Also she shoots those goddamn Koosh balls everywhere. And besides, Ellen’s WAY better.

So that’s that. Might be a little controversial, but you know what? Screw you! Thanks again to Kailey for this idea. Now, dear reader, I turn it over to you. Who would you bop/marry/kill? And Why?

  1. gabydunn answered: I agree with this assessment. May I suggest a Beatles themed Bop, Marry, Kill? Just ignore Ringo. :(
  2. jduganbarrett reblogged this from bopmarrykill and added:
    Good one, follow this goddamn blog assholes!
  3. bopmarrykill posted this

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