text 12 Aug 15 notes The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Some of you may know that I am a pretty big fan of westerns. Actually, I don’t know how public that knowledge is. Whatever. Anyway, today’s entry is inspired by probably one of the greatest westerns ever. Now, I am not exploring the characters from the film, just sort of, the greater concept of good people, bad people, and ugly people. At this point, I think it’s clear enough, so let’s just get started.

First, the Good.

Why you should bop them:

Well, good has lots of practical applications and can mean a lot of things, so maybe it means being good at sex. But let’s get real here, it doesn’t mean that. It doesn’t mean that at all.

Why you should marry them:

Isn’t that the point of marriage? To marry a good person? Basically, the good are the people you want to be committed to for the rest of your life. They’ll do right by you because it is in their nature. And if they’ve been doing the right thing all their life, they’ve probably gone to college and got degrees and started careers, so, you know, put a ring on it.

Why you should kill them:

Oh fucking christ! They’re so BORING! And remember that insufferable Billy Joel song? (Yeah, yeah, that describes all Billy Joel songs. On behalf of Long Island, I apologize for him.) Only the good die young. So just take care of them yourself. They’re going to die soon anyway.

Next, The Bad.

Why you should bop them:

Well, they’ve been doing what they weren’t supposed to all this time, and crazy taboo sexual stuff generally falls under the category of what you aren’t supposed to do. So they’re probably good at weird sex stuff. Also, we all know that bad boys are sexy, so are bad girls. So get all of them at once.

Why you should marry them:

Street cred mostly. But also, we’ve all kind of been wired to believe we can save bad people. It’s like how all dudes want to save prostitutes from their lifeĀ  and turn them into virtuous women, or how girls want to know that bad boys changed for them. So, yeah, that bullshit is why you should marry them.

Why you should kill them:

Uh…Because they’re bad?

Finally, the Ugly.

Why you should bop them:

Time for one of them Aristotlean logic puzzles (or whatever they’re called). The Beauty and the Beast is about some broad getting with some ugly dude. Therefore, ugly dudes are beasts. There is an idiomatic American phrase “to fuck like a beast.” The unassailable logic of this is that all ugly people fuck really well. They’re like the thing you measure ability to fuck by.

Why you should marry them:

Remember that song about marrying ugly chicks? It had something to do with the fact that they’d be more patient and cook and stuff. Also, I think there was some implication that they would be less fussy about doing it because they wouldn’t have make up to screw up. Either way, we all have to settle when we get married right? That’s the thing? Our dreams die and we marry less than our prince/princess charming? So marry the ugly.

Why you should kill them:

They’re so fucking unpleasant to look at.

— The Final Verdict —

Here we have one that’s a little tough. There are some good points to be made for all possibilities. But, Let’s just look at it logically and see this one out.

Bop: The Bad. They’ll obviously be the best at bopping. This is basically the only good thing about being bad. The sex.

Marry: The Ugly. The song said.

Kill: The Good. They’re going to die young, so just fucking take them out yourself.

There it is. What do you think? Who would you bop, marry, and kill and why?

  1. bopmarrykill posted this

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